Day 17

Things seem really stressful at home. The kids have been rotten to say the least. In turn, I am a rotten mom. Paul's work is stressful and we don't get time together.
All that to say...this is getting tough to stay obedient.
The only time I feel really good is when I am working out at the Y. I think that is because it is the only time I don't have to chase anyone, yell at anyone or do anything but take care of me.
I would stay there all day if I could!
Day 17
7:30 - special K cereal with skim milk
9:20- 11:00 workout at the Y
11:45 am - chicken, brown rice, tomato/cucumber/dressing/feta cheese
3:00 pm - grapes, pop corn (plain and added TCBB)
6:00 pm - pizza (tomato, mushroom, basil, vege cheese) very yummy and I ate all of it - too much. I am really full and feeling bad about it. It just tasted sooo good.
I need to not make it so much, I think I over eat with it.

Kids are finally in bed. I am going to try to relax.

Day 15 and 16

I am having a harder time posting everyday. I may have to do two days in one for now on unless I have a great revelation!
Today is actually day 16. I weighed this morning. I think my total loss is around 8-10 lbs.
Hard to tell exactly where the line is on the scale. I did chuckle at myself this morning. I made sure I went to the bathroom twice before weighing...then I stripped and laughed when I took the scrunchie out of my hair. You know they weigh so much!
Anyway. I was having to give myself a pep talk this morning. I had such big loss the week before, and this week was not as much. I didn't add that much into my diet and I worked out every single day. However, I remembered what Dr. Ian said in his cd I listened to his week. He talked about a pound lost is a pound lost. 10 lbs in two weeks is significant weight loss. He said to think about how long it took you to put it on, it is not going to come off in two weeks. Building a building takes time. So, I am trying not to think about numbers and enjoy the fact that some of my clothes fit better.
Day 15:
8:00 am - oatmeal and banana
9:00 am - workout at the Y
12:00 pm - we went out! my first out to eat experience - vege burger (no bun) green beans
1:00 pm - Julia and I walked for about a mile
Then I mowed the grass and raked the leaves in my yard and the neighbors.
5:30 pm - 2 vege burgers, tomato/basil

Day 16:
8:00 am Oatmeal and banana
11:30 am- Turkey, fruit/yogurt, brown rice (Thanksgiving meal at church)
3:30 pm - carrots
7:00 pm- chicken, brown rice, tomato/cucumber/lgt dressing/feta cheese
Tea for dessert

Day 14

I have made it two weeks!!!
I am really excited that I have actually stuck to something that long.
I had a wow moment this morning. I tried on a pair of pants that I tried on last Friday. Last Friday they were still tight. Today they fit and a little loose! YEAH!!!
That is what motivates me. Wearing the clothes in my closet again.
I listened to Dr. Ian's CD today. It was good. He was inspiring and helpful. I liked listening to him, he seems to have a great heart.
7:00 - special K with skim milk (no oatmeal today!!)
10:30- snacked on carrots for a while (at work today)
1:30 - vege burger, tomato/basil, with rice and lentils
3:30 - went for a walk with the kids
5:00 - banana, strawberry and apple cut up with yogurt
I was proud of myself that I didn't eat all the fruit in my bowl. I decided to save the rest for later.
I will probably have the rest after a bath.

Pretty good day. I feel good today.

Day 12 and 13

I really need to do better at writing things down again. When I don't blog that night I forget what I had yesterday.
Day 12:
8:00 - oatmeal with banana
11:00 - vege burger with homemade (mom) basil spread - very yummy
3:00 - yogurt
7:00 - chicken, rice, lentils, tad green bean casserole,
tea and grapes later for dessert.

We had a great small group last night. We were talking about inner beauty and what really makes a woman beautiful.
I have a very hard time not tying my weight into whether or not I feel beautiful. It has helped now that I am at least working on the problem and not over eating.
Maybe someday I will truly see myself as God sees me.

Day 13:
8:00 - oatmeal
12:00 - chicken, rice and lentils (that chicken is sooooo good)
5:00 - homemade pizza (oatmeal crust, tomatoes and basil) oh my gosh this is great!
Think I over ate on the pizza. It was the best thing I have had in a while. That is what is going to be hard not overeating on healthy things. It is amazing how good some healthy things taste!

See my other blog to see my nugget from God today http://socialworkermom.blogspot.com/

Day 11

I started off doing pretty good today, but then I think I blew it a little.
I was feeling very sluggish today. I felt like I needed to eat. Then I felt bad for eating. I contemplated not journaling all I ate, then I realized that is why I am doing it. Not just so I can say look at how good I am doing, but also for the accountability in my mess ups.
This is where I am struggling. That line between it is ok to eat, and feeling guilty for eating. In the fat smash plan you move between phases. You continue to add more foods into your diet. It helps you to establish healthy eating habits in addition to loosing weight. I just got used to the rules of phase 1 now it is hard to relax those rules to allow more food.

8 am - oatmeal with banana
9 am - workout at the Y
11 am - tomato, basil and vege burger (definitely my favorite right now)
11:45 am - rice and lentils (I still felt hungry and a little weak)
3 pm - yogurt
5 pm - Asian Salad from McDonalds (this is allowable food - just felt like cheating...my first meat in 11 days)
7 pm - 1/2 cup cereal with milk (this may have been emotional eating - stressful situations right now)

Day 9 and 10!

Day 9 was good. I couldn't wait until the end of day 9 to weigh. Drummmmrooolllll pppplleeeaaseee....... 7 lbs!!!!
I am excited about this and it makes me feel like I can go on.
I haven't been as good at writing stuff down, so here is approximates...
7:00 am - what else - Oatmeal!
1:00 pm - (very hungry and a bit faintish) lentil soup and a little bit of a protein drink from Wild Oats Market. I think the soup had potatoes in it, ooops. But it was goooood.
3:30 pm - small fruit smoothie from Sonic. (I don't know if this is allowed either, but it is yogurt and fruit) It was really sweet. Didn't really even taste good to me. But it didn't stop me from drinking it!
6:00 pm - 13 bean chili


Day 10 - Start of Phase 2 (however I didn't start it, stayed in phase 1 foods)

7:30 am - yogurt, couple sips of the protein drink
8:00 am - workout at Y
9:30 am - oatmeal with banana. Starting to like plain oatmeal.
12:30 pm - 13 bean chili
3:00 pm - apple and yogurt
5:30 pm - vege burger patty with tomato and fresh basil on it (I felt like I had eaten real food!)
a few left over sweet potato wedges

I am a little scared about moving into phase 2. I feel like it is giving me more freedom that I am afraid of. It adds in chicken, a little cheese, unsweetened cereal. I am afraid of myself. I don't want to over do it. I know the ultimate goal is to be able to eat real foods (within limits) and not over eat. It just feels too soon. I will slowly move into it. I don't think that is a bad thing.

Day 8

Wheewwww...I almost didn't make it today. I was really wanting to eat something of "substance." Like Pizza or a turkey sandwich. All of which my family was eating today. I didn't give in, but I think I probably ate a little too much today. I felt like I was hungry. I am not sure if I was or just craving to eat.

8:00 am - oatmeal w/cinnamon and stevia
9:00 am - workout at the Y
11:30 am - banana, tomatoes/cucumbers light dressing
12:30 pm - rice and lentils
3:30 pm - hot tea
4:30 pm - sweet potato
5:30 pm - rice and lentils, tomatoes/cucumbers light dressing, a few grapes

Tomorrow is day 9 - yeahhhh!
I know it is not the end of it, I just get to add a couple of things to my menu on Monday - like Chicken!!!

Day 7

I just never imagined I could do this. I am so proud of myself. I have no desire to run to food for comfort. I have not run to the scale and weighed everyday (like I used to!).
God is amazing.
7:00 am - oatmeal with banana (Amber gave me a natural sweetener that I can use, makes oatmeal much better) skim milk
10:00 am - yogurt
12:00 pm - brown rice and lentils, a few left over sweet potato fries, water
3:00 pm - raked leaves and mowed yard (definitely a work out)
5:30 pm - same as lunch, water
7:00 pm - cleaned up toys and vacuumed house (another workout)

Day 5 and 6

Things are getting a bit crazy in my life right now. I know that many things are attacks from the enemy trying to get me to fail. I have stood firm. I am proud of myself that I have not given into temptation. Not even a lick of my fingers. This is a huge accomplishment for me.
It is getting much easier. I am loving the way I feel. I feel much healthier and have not had a stomache ache all week.
I am looking forward to weighing myself on Sunday. That is the reward of all of it.
Day 5 -
8:30 am - oatmeal with banana
9:30 workout at the Y
1:00 pm - (waited too long to eat) fruit with yogurt, carrot
5:00 pm - 1/2 cup black beans
7:00 pm - beans, rice and veges (can't eat it any more!!) fruit with yogurt (thank you Chanda)
The yummiest tea made by Amber

Day 6 -
7:00 am - oatmeal
10:30 am - apple
12:00 pm - yes more beans rice and veges
4:00 pm - grapes
5:00 pm - tomato and cucumber with a little dressing, brown rice, sweet potato fries (very good) I think I ate a little too much, but the fries were really good.

Over all I think I am dealing with my stress well because I am eating what I should. I don't have the I hate myself because I am fat feeling on top of all of it.

Day 4 almost gone

Today has been good. I am not real hungry today.
I am however, really tired of eating the same thing. I am needed a new flavor. I made lots of individual meals for myself to eat off of this week. I think I need to freeze some of them and make something new. I have had it with the rice, bean and vege mixture.

8:00 am - Oatmeal with banana and mixed it with yogurt (hoping to get it a little sweet), skim milk
11:00 am - Yogurt, Apple
2:00 pm - Vege, rice and beans
5:00 pm - the rest of the veges rice and beans and a few grapes

I am feeling good about all of this. I feel like I can do it. I don't want to give up and I don't want to cheat. I love what Dr. Ian says - you are only cheating yourself.
I think it helps that I am writing out my daily intake on here, because it would be worse to me to let other people know that I cheated!! It is that whole perfectionism thing.

I had a really great spiritual time last night with God. He is so good to me.
I felt like he really held me and said you know what I have got you and it is all going to be ok. You don't have to worry or try to fix everything. I am in control. I really feel peaceful about it.
I love what happens to my spiritual life when I get my eating under control. I do feel more able to go to God. I feel like such a better person all around. I know that may sound weird to anyone who does not have eating issues. All my emotions are pretty much tied up with food. Hopefully no longer!!!!

Day 3

It is getting a bit easier. The farther I go into it the more I don't want to start over.
today's hard thing was driving past Starbucks on the way to the grocery store. I was by myself, and usually when I have a moment to myself out of the house a grande white chocolate mocha is my treat!
I resisted!
It was a hard day to resist. Kids are crabby and hubby sick, mamma's monthly friend came to visit - AHHHH! Want to devour the house.
I think I snacked a little more due to this, but it was all allowable things.
8:00 am - oatmeal with banana, cup skim milk
9:30 - 11:00 am workout at the Y, this was the highlight of my day.
11:30 - rice, beans veges (still good, but getting a little old)
1:15 - frozen grapes - very delicious!!
3:15 - bananas,oranges, strawberries, apples mixed with peach yogurt - really good!
5:00 - more rice beans veges (left over from lunch)

Funny story - Harrison decided he likes my rice, beans vege mixture. However, he decided to eat it mixed up in his soy yogurt. He loved it, grossed me out.

The kids are in bed early - 6:15 pm (I told you we were all crabby)
This is me time. I am full at the moment, so I am going to stay far away from the kitchen. This is a tempting time for me.
I need to do my Captivating book, yet I want to do everything but that....I know that means I really need to do my book.
Yahhhhooooo, made it through another day!

Day 2 and counting

I made it through the day. It was a little tough. I want to snack so bad on junk!!!
I keep thinking about yummy things to eat. The old me would just go and get it and pig out. Thankfully God gave me strength to resist.
I even stayed away from the yummy sandwiches at church and coffee.
8:00 Oatmeal with Banana, cinnamon and nutmeg (not real tasty, but filling)
12:45 Veges, brown rice, black beans (very good, will be eating it all week)
2:00 workout at the Y
3:45 Yogurt and apple
5:15 more veges, brown rice and black beans
9:00 Yogurt

Part of me really wanted to give up today. I don't like being restricted from things. Yet, I know I need the discipline. I am going to try to at least hang in there for the 9 days. I would hate to start all over again. I can do this - I hope!

Day 1

I think I have made it through day 1.....
I am craving sugary stuff and carbs something awful. I didn't realize how many I ate in a day. The biggest thing tonight is not having my coffee drink. I had some herbal tea, but not the same.
8:30 am - yogart
11:30 am Banana and Apple
2:00 pm - 1 cup brown rice with vegetable soup stuff I made
3:30 pm - went for walk pushing 100 lbs of stroller
5:30 pm - strawberries, apples, bananas, oranges with yogart mixed - quite yummy
6:20 pm - herbal tea
8:15 pm - 1 cup skim milk and 5 grapes

Doesn't look like much but I have felt pretty full all day.
Got to get some protein in tomorrow. I bought dry beans and have to soak um tonight.
Off to the bath and bed.
One down, eight more to go in phase 1.

My journey to freedom

I am tired and fed up with the constant feeling of disappointment I have with myself. I always feel fat and worthless. I judge myself very harshly. I tend to think other people judge whether they will like me based on my physical "weight" appearance. I am also a miserable person to be around when I am overeating. I feel bad about myself and then I take it out on those around me. My kids get the brunt of it when I am in this stage. I am tired of then feeling like a horrible mother. The guilt comes, then the need to feed it with food. The cycle keeps going and going.
I know the truth spoken in the bible. Head knowledge and heart knowledge are two different things. I was having a very down day yesterday. My eating has been out of control. I have been gorging myself with wings, pizza, cheese cake and whatever else I can get in my mouth.
No wonder I have been packing on the pounds.
Well, because I have no control over myself when I have no plan....I decided to follow a plan to rewire my thinking about food. In addition to continuing to seek God and work on the emotional and forgiveness/grace side of things.
I just can't resist food right now.
So, I have decided to do the Fat Smash Diet.
I have never been an advocate of diets. They make me mad. However, two of my friends have been doing it and look amazing. So I am going to give it a try.
I am scared. I look at the food I am allowed to eat for the first 9 days and I panic. How on earth do I eat that way? How do I cut out stuff and continue to make meals for my family?
I decided to be proactive about it. I went to the store, bought a ton of vegetables, fruit, brown rice and beans. I made a huge pot of vege medley and brown rice and made up meals for me for the week. I think if I know I have a meal prepared it will make it easier to not snack on things I shouldn't. I also don't want to have to stress about what am I going to eat. I think I will make up a menu for myself for the week so I can stick to a plan and know exactly what I am going to eat when.
At the moment I feel like I can do this. I pray that God will give me strength. I have never done anything like this before.
I wanted to journal so I can process my feelings, but also have accountability and support.
If you are reading this, please pray for me. I need strength and wisdom.
I don't want to just do this to loose weight. I am about 20 lbs over weight and need to get it off, but I also want to find freedom from food. I don't want to obsess over it anymore. I don't want to run to food for comfort. I want to be free! I want my mind to be free to focus on Christ and my family. I want to be healthy and show my kids what life should be. I want to be who God made me and not what all the extra weight has made me.
So....Here I go.