Friday, June 15, 2007

Before and After

I haven't really had a good before and after picture. I found this one today. I hope you can tell the difference!

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Is freedom ever going to come?

Freedom. What a loaded word. I feel like I have tasted it and it is good. That is my problem...I like to taste! I have come such a long way. I look at pictures and I can tell a difference. I look in the mirror and I don't see any difference. I look in my heart and I can tell a lot of difference. I know that doesn't add up. Even as I write it, it does not make logical sense. I guess to someone else who has unhealthy food issues it might. I struggle with wanting to overeat still. I guess that is a forever thing. I struggle with wanting to be thin - because thin means life is good right?!
How thin do I have to get before I feel that? I know that it is not a weight is a heart issue. So can someone please tell my brain that. I have such screwed up views on body image. I always have. Fears I had early on in life (like as far back as 7 years old) are due to weight issues. Enough is enough people!!! I am tired of it. I am tired of thinking about it. I would like to stomp on the person(s) who made this an issue for me. I know I continue to keep it. I guess some would say I just need to give it to God and let it go. hmmmmm. I think I have given it to God, time and time again. Not sure about the letting go part. How do you let go of something like that?
Don't get me wrong. I have come a LONG way. I am dealing with it constantly - in a healthy way. I just would like to know when I am actually going to start being ok with me where I am at. I still see the huge imperfections in myself. I still see the need to loose 10 more pounds. I also still seek food for comfort.
How is that for honest?
I long for the days in heaven when it will never be an issue again!!!!