tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-371430042024-03-14T09:02:53.773-05:00My Journey to FreedomMy jouney to becoming the person God made me. I struggle with an unhealthy relationship with food. These are my thoughts and feelings as I battle to find freedom.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.comBlogger60125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-83589492431270844912012-01-18T19:24:00.002-06:002012-01-18T19:33:57.749-06:00How Did I get here?I have not looked at this site in a long time. I re-read many of my posts. I find myself in a place where I don't feel like I have control over anything. Why do I long for control? I am working 40+ hours a week and don't have time to take care of me the way I want to. I don't have time to take care of my family the way I want to.<br />It is painful to me to think about.<br />It was easier to try to eat healthy and be more active when I wasn't working. <br />I know it isn't reality to be able to stay home the rest of my life.<br />But, how do I do both?<br />My weight is back up. I am not where I was when I started out, but close. <br />I don't think I look the same, as I am still working out and still have muscle and I am still healthier than I was 6 years ago. <br />Yet, I am struggling with about 25 lbs that I didn't have 2 years ago.<br />It makes me sad, it makes me angry, it makes me depressed, it makes me want to eat!<br />Why is it the cycle? Why when you are depressed about being fat do you want to eat more?<br />Life seems too much sometimes.<br />I need balance, I need time, I need God. <br />I know that is probably in the wrong order. <br />I am not sure where I am going to go from here. I am trying to eat a little better, but I don't have a plan. I need a plan or I have already set myself up to fail.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-54557490683815304512010-07-01T06:40:00.000-05:002010-07-02T06:42:59.302-05:00Day 1111:45 Apple, Granola Bar<br />12:30 smoothie<br />swimming<br />3:30 2 Tomatoes, with some cheese on it<br /> Mojito - yes, another cheat<br />6:00 slice of regular pizza (another cheat, didn't even think about it when I started eating it!)Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-26897912525315528542010-06-30T06:52:00.002-05:002010-06-30T07:11:05.508-05:00Finished 9 daysSo I officially made it though 9 days! I am proud that I did it. <br />I was able to loose 7 lbs. In additon to that I feel better.<br />I know the truth about foods and how much they affect our emotions and overall physical being. Yet, why can I not stay away from the offending foods?<br />Because they taste sooo good!<br /><br />I also experienced something this week that I had noticed in the past.<br />When you begin to change your eating habits, women around you don't like it.<br />They begin to say comments that can be hurtful. Like "oh look at her being good" or "she won't eat that anymore, well I will..." They talk about you like you are not in the room, yet you are standing right there. It is like you have left this overeaters club and now you don't belong. They talk as if you now don't understand what it is like to be overweight. I have learned not to take offense to it. I have probably done it as some point in time. I think it is a defense mechanism women take when they feel bad about their weight and see someone actually doing something about it. Women tend to act like they can't ever loose weight when in all actuality they just haven't tried. I know, I have been there many times...and will probably be there again. <br />It however reinforces to me the whole notion that when you overeat or eat things that are not healthy that you are bad. When you are heavier than the world thinks you should be, you are bad. These are the thoughts that I want to overcome. I want freedom from. Yet, even in the midst of loosing weight (again), those messages are still coming at me loud and clear from the people around me. People who love me and are my friends. I know they are not even aware of it, yet it speaks volumes of crap to me.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-82407322753958396672010-06-30T06:37:00.000-05:002010-07-02T06:40:21.106-05:00Day 107:30 Oatmeal<br />2 hours Walking<br />11:30 Smoothie<br />12:30 Vege Soup, granola bar<br />3:40 Yogurt<br />7:30 2 slices healthy pizza - crust made with oatmeal, <br /> Mojito - ok, big cheat!Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-38650775413959722302010-06-29T06:50:00.000-05:002010-06-30T06:52:37.315-05:00Day 97:00 Oatmeal, Banana, yogurt, blueberries<br />Walking<br />11:30 pinnaple coconut smoothie<br />12:30 Vege soup<br />3:15 Banana, yogurt<br />6:45 Brown rice, corn, green beans, zucchiniAmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-74120612768050667702010-06-28T14:20:00.000-05:002010-06-29T14:23:01.273-05:00Day 87:00 1/2 c oatmeal, 1/2 cont. yogurt, banana<br />Walking<br />11:00 carrots, granola bar<br />12:30 Southwest Salad <br />3:30 Popcorn<br />7:00 corn<br />8:00 banana<br />9:00 2 bowls cabbage soup (just got done making it, had to try it...it was good)Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-44235023341595752412010-06-27T06:10:00.000-05:002010-06-28T06:12:40.254-05:00Day 710:30 Oatmeal with blueberries<br />12:30 3 egg omelet with tomato/onion/basil<br />(not suppose to have whole eggs yet, but needed protein)<br />Walking<br />5:00 Yogurt/popcorn<br />8:00 Blueberries, banana<br />9:00 popcornAmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-55945821780249212292010-06-26T06:08:00.002-05:002010-06-28T06:10:50.211-05:00Day 67:30 Banana<br />Workout<br />10:30 Oatmeal/Yogurt/strawberries/blueberries<br />1:30 Sweet Potato, grilled veges<br />5:00 Strawberry/blueberry smoothie, granola bar<br />7:00 PopcornAmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-21841694974006328242010-06-25T21:00:00.000-05:002010-06-26T07:23:45.072-05:00Day 55:30 Workout<br />8:00 Oatmeal/yogurt/banana/blueberries<br />10:45 Banana<br />1:00 Grilled veges, plain sweet potato<br />4:30 Banana<br />5:15 1/2 c brown rice/veges, few bites zucchini pancake<br /> Strawberry/blueberry/yogurt smoothieAmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-76233729054757151322010-06-24T21:40:00.003-05:002010-06-24T21:44:21.173-05:00Day 46:00 Workout<br />8:00 Oatmeal with Greek Yogurt (high in protien) and blueberries<br />11:30 2 grilled vege scewers, broccoli, plain sweet potato<br />4:00 2 Bananas, Decaf Green tea<br />6:15 leaf lettuce w/ tomato and dressing<br /><br />I feel really good today. I can tell a difference having all the sugar and caffiene out of my system. Amazing the difference. Just wish I could stay here and not go back. That is what is frustrating. I know how I feel without it and yet, it is so hard to stay away from it. One taste of sugar and you are hooked again.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-39832514680892688202010-06-23T21:56:00.001-05:002010-06-23T21:58:23.097-05:00Day 36:45 Banana<br />Workout<br />9:30 Oatmeal with Strawberries/blueberries<br />water<br />12:00 Brown rice/veges watermelon<br />4:00 6 oz. yogurt<br />6:00 Zucchini, greenbeans, corn on cob<br />water<br />7-8:20 went walkingAmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-39165108943223109662010-06-22T20:30:00.002-05:002010-06-22T20:33:02.285-05:00Day 25:45 Banana<br />6-7:15 Workout<br />8:00 1 c. oatmeal with Strawberries/Blueberries<br />11:00 6 oz. yogurt<br />12:00 1/2 c. brown rice/veges<br />4:00 Watermelon and 1/2 apple<br />6:00 Zucchini pancakes<br />8:30 Herbal TeaAmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-73410768727437024102010-06-21T13:38:00.004-05:002010-06-21T20:06:54.737-05:00Starting Over - Again! Day 1It has been 2 years since I have posted on here. It is two years since I have decided I need a restart. I am to a place again where food has a hold over me. My eating has become destructive. It is hurting me physically and emotionally. It has to stop! I don't like the person I am when I am overeating. It is not the person God wants me to be. I need to blog in order to be serious. I can cheat when I am writing things down at home and no one sees. It is harder to cheat when I know people in my life are looking. So, here I go again! I decided to go back to doing Fat Smash. It works for me and I need the structure. So Today is Day one....<br /><br />8:30 - 1 cup oatmeal with fresh strawberries and blueberries<br />Bike Ride, and yard work, Water<br />11:30 - Apple, Watermelon, 6 oz. yogurt, Water<br />2:30 - 1 Cup brown rice, banana, water<br />5:30 - 1 C. brown rice, vege mixture (onions,pepper,zucchini,tomato,mixed beans), water<br />7:30 - herbal teaAmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-28814011926559021982008-05-05T18:43:00.002-05:002008-05-05T18:48:41.368-05:00Day 13/14Day 13<br />8:00 Ezekiel Cereal/banana/rice milk<br />12:00 Southwest Salad <br />4:00 Goat's milk yogurt<br />7:00 Onion/Tomato/spinach/black beans/corn<br /> 2 slices Ezekiel Bread<br /> 1 slice pizza (I couldn't resist,however it wasn't worth how I felt after eating it)<br /><br />Day 14<br />8:00 Puffins cereal (wheat free)rice milk<br />workout<br />11:30 Tuna/mayo Nut-brown rice crackers, goats milk yogurt, banana<br />Walked a mile with the kids<br />3:00 Pineapple/banana/coconut frozen yogurt smoothie<br />3:30 8 nut-rice crackers<br />5:30 Rice chips/salsa/hummus, strawberry smoothieAmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-21899877628709024312008-05-03T19:23:00.003-05:002008-05-03T19:37:15.734-05:00Days 8 - 12Day 8<br />7:20 Oatmeal (out of regular had to have instant)<br />Workout<br />1:00 Cabbage soup, pita chips/hummus<br /> Sugar free, soy milk, decaf latte<br /> Banana<br />3:20 Orange, 6 grapes<br />5:00 salad w/chicken and light sun dried tomato dressing<br /> Orange<br />9:30 2 Bananas<br /><br />Day 9<br />7:30 Oatmeal/Banana<br />Workout<br />11:20 Tuna/Mayo Pita Chips, Banana<br />Yard work<br />3:00 Pita Chips/hummus, orange<br />5:30 Cabbage soup, 2 oyster crackers<br />8:00 2 Chocolate chip cookies (thanks Debra!)<br /><br />Day 10<br />7:30 Oatmeal<br />Workout<br />12:00 12 oz. Tuna/mayo, pita chips, Apple<br />2:00 4 pretzels, 1 chocolate chip cookie<br />4:45 strawberry/Banana smoothie<br />7:00 2 eggs, banana<br /><br />Day 11<br />7:45 grapenuts cereal/rice milk/banana<br />Workout<br />11:15 cashews<br />11:45 various samples at Whole Foods store, p'nut butter cookie <br />1:30 Smoothie - strawberry/banana/protein (smoothie king)<br />5:45 Brown Rice crackers/6 oz. tuna/mayo<br />8:00 banana, hard boiled egg<br /><br />Day 12<br />8:00 Ezekiel cereal/banana/rice milk<br />workout<br />11:00 rice chips/fresh salsa/hummus, 1/2 cup goats milk yogurt<br />4:00 cashews, 1 slice Ezekiel bread<br />5:00 rice chips/salsa/hummus, 1/2 cup goats milk yogurt (liked it so well at lunch I had it again!)Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-19962266809496520422008-04-28T20:11:00.004-05:002008-04-28T20:22:15.481-05:00Day 4-7Oops a little behind...<br /><br />Day 4<br />7:15 Oatmeal/Banana<br />10:00 Apple<br />Cleaned (semi workout!)<br />1:00 Chicken Breast, 1 muffin, Strawberry/Banana Smoothie <br />4:00 2 oranges, handful cashews<br />6:00 salad with chicken breast, light sundried tomato dressing<br /> 1 muffin<br /><br />Day 5<br />8:00 Oatmeal/Banana<br />Workout<br />10:30 cashews/4 blueberries<br />11:45 roasted chicken, orange, strawberry/banana smoothie<br />3:15 6 grapes/3 muffins<br />4:30 handful cashews<br />5:00 little soup (tasting during cooking)<br />7:30 Vege pizza (2 small pieces)<br /><br />Day 6 (cheated and weighed - lost 6 lbs)<br />8:00 oatmeal/Banana<br />1:00 handful cashews (2 pita chips/hummus)<br />2:00 Cabbage soup<br />5:30 Beef brisket (with bbq sauce),baked apples, 4 fries<br />8:00 Lemon tea<br /><br />Day 7<br />7:00 Oatmeal/Banana<br />Workout<br />10:00 handful cashews<br />12:00 Turkey Avocado Burger/ steamed broccoli<br />3:30 Lemon Tea<br />5:15 4 pita chips/hummus, Cabbage soup<br />8:00 OrangeAmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-73980415050683228922008-04-25T06:50:00.002-05:002008-04-25T06:53:51.567-05:00Day 37:30 Oatmeal/Banana<br />10:30 Apple<br />9:30 - 12:30 Cleaning (not quite a workout, but a little)<br />12:30 6 oz. Tuna/1 tbs.mayo/orange/2 strawberries<br />2:00 cashews/Lemon herbal tea<br />2:45 2 Tiny oatmeal muffins (sugar free-healthy!)<br />5:00 1/3 grilled chicken breast/grilled squash/zuch/onions<br />8:00 3 tiny oatmeal muffinsAmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-18420545623755599602008-04-24T07:53:00.002-05:002008-04-24T07:57:05.090-05:00Day 27:30 Oatmeal/Banana<br /><br />9-10 Yoga<br />10-11 Weights<br /><br />11:30 6 oz. Tuna/1Tbs Mayo (made with olive oil)<br /> Carrots/Hummus<br /> Orange<br /> 6 Cashew Nuts<br /><br />2:00 Few Cashews/Banana<br />4:30 Apple<br />8:15 Grilled Salmon (little butter-dill sauce)/Broccoli/plain sweet potatoAmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-57714218429187738782008-04-23T07:43:00.002-05:002008-04-23T07:48:15.415-05:00Starting to eat healthy again!I haven't been feeling well lately and I have also gained a little weight back. <br />SO I have decided it was time to start again!<br />I am starting at phase 2 because I cannot cut out all the protein due to weight lifting. I contemplated not posting my food intake, but decided I needed to for the accountability.<br /><br />7:45 am 1/2 c oatmeal<br />9:30-11:30 workout/water<br />11:45 apple<br />12:30 steamed veges/grilled chicken/water<br />3:00 orange<br />4:40 carrots/hummus/water<br />5:30 grilled squash/zuch/onion<br />8:00 grapesAmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-36548386640833270862007-10-30T19:41:00.000-05:002007-10-30T19:47:31.890-05:00Day 363/8Day 8<br /><br />8am- oatmeal<br />9:30 workout/20 oz. water<br />11:00 meatless chili and brown rice<br />12:30 banana<br />2:30 Cauliflower soup/4 brown rice crackers (soup does have cheese in it, but I was making it for tomorrow and had to taste it)<br />3:30 mini almond joy<br />6:30-7:30 6 ginger cookies <br />OK, so I blew it tonight. I didn't even want to post it, but I wanted to be honest.<br />I was really craving sweets today. I decided to have the almond joy because the Halloween candy has been staring at me all week. I caved. Then I baked cookies for tomorrow and I could not resist. I thought I would just have one and be o.k. NOPE, I had 6. You know you have to taste each batch to make sure they are good to serve to others. They are just amazing cookies and I couldn't help myself. <br />Hopefully that won't send me into a sugar spiral.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-78403973543802480312007-10-29T18:35:00.002-05:002007-10-29T18:43:47.627-05:00Day 361 and 362/day 6 and 7Day 6<br />8 am - Oatmeal<br />11:40 - vege stir fry/brown rice (from Ghangis Grill)<br /> Water<br />4:15 pm - Yogurt/string cheese (wanting a little protein)<br />7 pm - 3 oatmeal cookies<br /> 1/2 fruit leather<br />6-10 stood at concert<br />10:30 pm - slice vege pizza/water (we went out after concert to pizza place, this was the best I could do at the time. Not FS, but not too unhealthy)<br /><br />Day 7 <br /><br />9 am - oatmeal<br />9:30 - 30 min cardio,1 hour yoga, 20 oz. water<br />12 pm - spinach,tomato,onion w/2 eggs<br />2-3:30 physical therapy<br />4 pm - yogurt/soynuts/apple<br />5 pm - meatless chili<br />5:45 - 2 oatmeal cookies<br />6:30 - 1 oatmeal cookie/Yogi detox tea ( I am really craving sweets right now. I am going for the cookies over the Halloween candy in the house!)Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-78081697221577160942007-10-27T21:08:00.000-05:002007-10-27T21:12:55.846-05:00Day 360/day 58 am - Oatmeal<br />9 am - cardio boxing class<br />20 oz. water<br />11 am - 2 oatmeal cookies<br />12:15 pm - sm. bowl tomato zucchini soup/water<br />2:15 pm - salad with tomatoes and soy nuts/LF dressing<br /> 1 oatmeal cookie<br />5:00 pm - 2 oatmeal cookies<br />7:15 pm - 5 fried mushrooms, cup potato cheese soup<br />(ok, dinner I was bad, but I resisted the banana cream pie- my belly actually hurts a bit from the grease and high fat content.)Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-52809014982743954802007-10-26T20:42:00.000-05:002007-10-26T20:52:17.102-05:00Day 359 /day 48 am - Oatmeal<br />9-10 Weights class<br />10-11 Yoga class<br />20 oz. water<br />11:00 - 2 Oatmeal cookies <br /> Brown rice/tomato/spinach/onion<br />1:00 - yogurt/soynuts/pear<br />4:00 2 oatmeal cookies<br />5:00 meatless chili<br /> corn on cob (dab butter/salt)<br /> 20 oz. water<br />7:00 yogurt/1 oatmeal cookie<br />7:30 Yogi detox teaAmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-434491065142764792007-10-25T20:51:00.000-05:002007-10-26T20:52:56.887-05:00Day 358 and 357/day 2 and 3Day 2<br /><br />8 am - Oatmeal with Stevia<br />9:00 - Yoga class<br />11:00 - brown rice/zucchini/onions/tomato<br />1:00 - yogurt, banana<br />2-4:00 - physical therapy<br />5:00 pm - salad/tomato/soynuts/lowfat dressing<br /> Water<br />7:00 - Banana/pear/grapes with Yogurt<br /> Decaf spiced chai, splash milk<br /><br />Day 3<br /><br />8:00 am - Oatmeal with Stevia<br />9:15 - 40 min workout 20 oz. water<br />12:30 Salad/tomato/soynuts<br />3:15 - yogurt/banana 20 oz. water<br />5:30 - brown rice/tomato/onion/spinach<br /> 1/2 pear Water<br />7:30 - 4 oatmeal/apple cookies<br /><br />I am feeling really good. My emotions are much better, I feel good about me right now.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37143004.post-27633309730799314962007-10-23T20:44:00.000-05:002007-10-26T20:53:18.458-05:00Day 356/ day 1 again8:00 am Oatmeal/Stevia<br />9:15 am 40 min workout <br /> 20 oz. water<br />10:40 am handful grapes<br />11:00 am Yogurt/handful soynuts<br />1:00 pm Grapes<br /> Bowl homemade chicken soup (had some chicken and noodles in it, but couldn't throw it away, last of the pot)<br /> 20 oz. water<br />3:00 pm Banana<br />5:00 pm Brown Rice/Lentils Zucchini/tomato/onions (ate a little too much, but it was really good)<br /> 10 oz. water<br />7:00 pm Decaf spiced Chai tea/stevia/dash skim milk<br /> Handful granola nut clusters (another cheat, but healthy)Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872072757690671588noreply@blogger.com0