I had a really tough week. I realized that I have a few stressers in my life at the moment. I also gave into carbs and sugar. I feel really crappy physically at the moment.
God was good to me and the scale did not move at all, either way. I am happy about that.
I am going to try not to beat myself up and just jump back into things.
I realized when I have cereal (special K) in the morning instead of oatmeal, I tend to eat more and crave carbs and sugar more during the day.
So, back to oatmeal this week.
I don't want to feel defeated. I want to move on.
I will resist the wonderful cake sitting on my counter.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Day 80
It is fun to keep up with the days to see how far I have come.
I do believe I have accomplished a lot. Not just weight loss, but heart growth!
I believe that doing this was in obedience to God. I was a miserable person. I was so focused on weight issues that it clouded everything else in my life. I was sick and tired of every moment being down about over eating and being over weight.
I feel like for the first time I am not focusing on it. I don't think constantly about what could I go get out of the refrigerator and eat. This is where my freedom is.
On the flip side, I am starting to struggle with where is my balance. When I eat something that is not on the recommended list (or maybe even is, but I haven't been eating it) I start to feel a little guilty - even to the point where I feel like I have just gained back every ounce I lost - all with one bite!
I go to the Y almost everyday. I feel better when I do. I feel guilty when I don't.
Where is the balance in this? I know it is all a mind and heart issue for me.
I know I need to find my freedom truly in God and not in my physical.
I just don't know how to really get there without continuing this physical journey as well. I keep thinking I will arrive at a place where I really feel good about myself.
What number on the scale will that be?
I don't think I will ever find it. I have only one time in my life been thin - at 125 lbs when I got married. I had been dieting and working out several times a day and drinking unhealthy amounts of water to get there. Yet, I still saw a fat person in the mirror.
If I was talking to someone else and they told me these things I would suggest counseling. I know there is eating disorder written all over this.
Lord, please help me.
I do believe I have accomplished a lot. Not just weight loss, but heart growth!
I believe that doing this was in obedience to God. I was a miserable person. I was so focused on weight issues that it clouded everything else in my life. I was sick and tired of every moment being down about over eating and being over weight.
I feel like for the first time I am not focusing on it. I don't think constantly about what could I go get out of the refrigerator and eat. This is where my freedom is.
On the flip side, I am starting to struggle with where is my balance. When I eat something that is not on the recommended list (or maybe even is, but I haven't been eating it) I start to feel a little guilty - even to the point where I feel like I have just gained back every ounce I lost - all with one bite!
I go to the Y almost everyday. I feel better when I do. I feel guilty when I don't.
Where is the balance in this? I know it is all a mind and heart issue for me.
I know I need to find my freedom truly in God and not in my physical.
I just don't know how to really get there without continuing this physical journey as well. I keep thinking I will arrive at a place where I really feel good about myself.
What number on the scale will that be?
I don't think I will ever find it. I have only one time in my life been thin - at 125 lbs when I got married. I had been dieting and working out several times a day and drinking unhealthy amounts of water to get there. Yet, I still saw a fat person in the mirror.
If I was talking to someone else and they told me these things I would suggest counseling. I know there is eating disorder written all over this.
Lord, please help me.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Day 75
Yesterday was weigh in day.....
I am down 5 more lbs. I am really happy about that. I think my goal is 7 more.
I keep changing my goal, but I guess I am allowed - it's mine!
I am feeling pretty good. I am happy about clothes being loose, but really need some new pants. Most of my pants are falling down and don't look real great because the bottom sags.
I never thought I would be complaining of them being too big!
I am craving bad stuff today. I did exercise. I got a salad from McDonald's today on the way home because I promised the kids. Man, their fries smelled sooooo good. I was dreaming about a quarter pounder with cheese and fries. MMMMMmmmmm. So I gave in and ate quite a few of Harrison's fries. I am feeling a bit guilty, but man were they good.
I guess that is where learning comes in. That it is ok to eat some bad things on occasion, just not everyday and not going overboard.
I just need to eat good the rest of the day.
Well, it is a rainy yucky day and I am in the mood to sleep. These are days when I wish I had no kids so I could just stay in the bed.
Another week down. Only the rest of my life to go!
I am down 5 more lbs. I am really happy about that. I think my goal is 7 more.
I keep changing my goal, but I guess I am allowed - it's mine!
I am feeling pretty good. I am happy about clothes being loose, but really need some new pants. Most of my pants are falling down and don't look real great because the bottom sags.
I never thought I would be complaining of them being too big!
I am craving bad stuff today. I did exercise. I got a salad from McDonald's today on the way home because I promised the kids. Man, their fries smelled sooooo good. I was dreaming about a quarter pounder with cheese and fries. MMMMMmmmmm. So I gave in and ate quite a few of Harrison's fries. I am feeling a bit guilty, but man were they good.
I guess that is where learning comes in. That it is ok to eat some bad things on occasion, just not everyday and not going overboard.
I just need to eat good the rest of the day.
Well, it is a rainy yucky day and I am in the mood to sleep. These are days when I wish I had no kids so I could just stay in the bed.
Another week down. Only the rest of my life to go!
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Day 64 and starting over
I started phase 1 over on Tuesday. I can't believe how much better I feel already.
Sunday at church a guy talked about addictions and breaking free from things. I had already known that I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I started this whole thing to work on that. 5 weeks into it I started feeling like hey I have beaten this thing...I am cured!!
HA! I fell on my face. I don't think I am going to cure myself. I know God is the cure. However, this has taken me 32 years to establish this problem, I don't think I am going to beat it in 64 days. I realize that this is a lifetime thing. I will probably always struggle. As long as there is food in the world I will struggle with wanting to eat it.
I do feel like this (fat smash plan) is the answer for me. I like eating healthier. I feel better physically and the weight loss is pretty nice too.
I also realize that this is a total God thing. I have to be spending time with Him on a regular basis to draw from his strength. I can't do thins thing on my own. When I started thinking that I was doing it, that is when I fell. I need God. I need his grace, mercy and forgiveness.
Sunday at church a guy talked about addictions and breaking free from things. I had already known that I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I started this whole thing to work on that. 5 weeks into it I started feeling like hey I have beaten this thing...I am cured!!
HA! I fell on my face. I don't think I am going to cure myself. I know God is the cure. However, this has taken me 32 years to establish this problem, I don't think I am going to beat it in 64 days. I realize that this is a lifetime thing. I will probably always struggle. As long as there is food in the world I will struggle with wanting to eat it.
I do feel like this (fat smash plan) is the answer for me. I like eating healthier. I feel better physically and the weight loss is pretty nice too.
I also realize that this is a total God thing. I have to be spending time with Him on a regular basis to draw from his strength. I can't do thins thing on my own. When I started thinking that I was doing it, that is when I fell. I need God. I need his grace, mercy and forgiveness.
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