Wednesday, January 18, 2012

How Did I get here?

I have not looked at this site in a long time. I re-read many of my posts. I find myself in a place where I don't feel like I have control over anything. Why do I long for control? I am working 40+ hours a week and don't have time to take care of me the way I want to. I don't have time to take care of my family the way I want to.
It is painful to me to think about.
It was easier to try to eat healthy and be more active when I wasn't working.
I know it isn't reality to be able to stay home the rest of my life.
But, how do I do both?
My weight is back up. I am not where I was when I started out, but close.
I don't think I look the same, as I am still working out and still have muscle and I am still healthier than I was 6 years ago.
Yet, I am struggling with about 25 lbs that I didn't have 2 years ago.
It makes me sad, it makes me angry, it makes me depressed, it makes me want to eat!
Why is it the cycle? Why when you are depressed about being fat do you want to eat more?
Life seems too much sometimes.
I need balance, I need time, I need God.
I know that is probably in the wrong order.
I am not sure where I am going to go from here. I am trying to eat a little better, but I don't have a plan. I need a plan or I have already set myself up to fail.

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