My Journey to Freedom

How Did I get here?

2012-01-18T19:24:00.002-06:00

I have not looked at this site in a long time. I re-read many of my posts. I find myself in a place where I don't feel like I have control over anything. Why do I long for control? I am working 40+ hours a week and don't have time to take care of me the way I want to. I don't have time to take care of my family the way I want to.
It is painful to me to think about.
It was easier to try to eat healthy and be more active when I wasn't working.
I know it isn't reality to be able to stay home the rest of my life.
But, how do I do both?
My weight is back up. I am not where I was when I started out, but close.
I don't think I look the same, as I am still working out and still have muscle and I am still healthier than I was 6 years ago.
Yet, I am struggling with about 25 lbs that I didn't have 2 years ago.
It makes me sad, it makes me angry, it makes me depressed, it makes me want to eat!
Why is it the cycle? Why when you are depressed about being fat do you want to eat more?
Life seems too much sometimes.
I need balance, I need time, I need God.
I know that is probably in the wrong order.
I am not sure where I am going to go from here. I am trying to eat a little better, but I don't have a plan. I need a plan or I have already set myself up to fail.

Day 11

2010-07-01T06:40:00.000-05:00

11:45 Apple, Granola Bar
12:30 smoothie
swimming
3:30 2 Tomatoes, with some cheese on it
Mojito - yes, another cheat
6:00 slice of regular pizza (another cheat, didn't even think about it when I started eating it!)

Finished 9 days

2010-06-30T06:52:00.002-05:00

So I officially made it though 9 days! I am proud that I did it.
I was able to loose 7 lbs. In additon to that I feel better.
I know the truth about foods and how much they affect our emotions and overall physical being. Yet, why can I not stay away from the offending foods?
Because they taste sooo good!

I also experienced something this week that I had noticed in the past.
When you begin to change your eating habits, women around you don't like it.
They begin to say comments that can be hurtful. Like "oh look at her being good" or "she won't eat that anymore, well I will..." They talk about you like you are not in the room, yet you are standing right there. It is like you have left this overeaters club and now you don't belong. They talk as if you now don't understand what it is like to be overweight. I have learned not to take offense to it. I have probably done it as some point in time. I think it is a defense mechanism women take when they feel bad about their weight and see someone actually doing something about it. Women tend to act like they can't ever loose weight when in all actuality they just haven't tried. I know, I have been there many times...and will probably be there again.
It however reinforces to me the whole notion that when you overeat or eat things that are not healthy that you are bad. When you are heavier than the world thinks you should be, you are bad. These are the thoughts that I want to overcome. I want freedom from. Yet, even in the midst of loosing weight (again), those messages are still coming at me loud and clear from the people around me. People who love me and are my friends. I know they are not even aware of it, yet it speaks volumes of crap to me.

Day 10

2010-06-30T06:37:00.000-05:00

7:30 Oatmeal
2 hours Walking
11:30 Smoothie
12:30 Vege Soup, granola bar
3:40 Yogurt
7:30 2 slices healthy pizza - crust made with oatmeal,
Mojito - ok, big cheat!

Day 9

2010-06-29T06:50:00.000-05:00

7:00 Oatmeal, Banana, yogurt, blueberries
Walking
11:30 pinnaple coconut smoothie
12:30 Vege soup
3:15 Banana, yogurt
6:45 Brown rice, corn, green beans, zucchini

Day 8

2010-06-28T14:20:00.000-05:00

7:00 1/2 c oatmeal, 1/2 cont. yogurt, banana
Walking
11:00 carrots, granola bar
12:30 Southwest Salad
3:30 Popcorn
7:00 corn
8:00 banana
9:00 2 bowls cabbage soup (just got done making it, had to try it...it was good)

Day 7

2010-06-27T06:10:00.000-05:00

10:30 Oatmeal with blueberries
12:30 3 egg omelet with tomato/onion/basil
(not suppose to have whole eggs yet, but needed protein)
Walking
5:00 Yogurt/popcorn
8:00 Blueberries, banana
9:00 popcorn

Day 6

2010-06-26T06:08:00.002-05:00

7:30 Banana
Workout
10:30 Oatmeal/Yogurt/strawberries/blueberries
1:30 Sweet Potato, grilled veges
5:00 Strawberry/blueberry smoothie, granola bar
7:00 Popcorn

Day 5

2010-06-25T21:00:00.000-05:00

5:30 Workout
8:00 Oatmeal/yogurt/banana/blueberries
10:45 Banana
1:00 Grilled veges, plain sweet potato
4:30 Banana
5:15 1/2 c brown rice/veges, few bites zucchini pancake
Strawberry/blueberry/yogurt smoothie

Day 4

2010-06-24T21:40:00.003-05:00

6:00 Workout
8:00 Oatmeal with Greek Yogurt (high in protien) and blueberries
11:30 2 grilled vege scewers, broccoli, plain sweet potato
4:00 2 Bananas, Decaf Green tea
6:15 leaf lettuce w/ tomato and dressing

I feel really good today. I can tell a difference having all the sugar and caffiene out of my system. Amazing the difference. Just wish I could stay here and not go back. That is what is frustrating. I know how I feel without it and yet, it is so hard to stay away from it. One taste of sugar and you are hooked again.

Day 3

2010-06-23T21:56:00.001-05:00

6:45 Banana
Workout
9:30 Oatmeal with Strawberries/blueberries
water
12:00 Brown rice/veges watermelon
4:00 6 oz. yogurt
6:00 Zucchini, greenbeans, corn on cob
water
7-8:20 went walking

Day 2

2010-06-22T20:30:00.002-05:00

5:45 Banana
6-7:15 Workout
8:00 1 c. oatmeal with Strawberries/Blueberries
11:00 6 oz. yogurt
12:00 1/2 c. brown rice/veges
4:00 Watermelon and 1/2 apple
6:00 Zucchini pancakes
8:30 Herbal Tea

Starting Over - Again! Day 1

2010-06-21T13:38:00.004-05:00

It has been 2 years since I have posted on here. It is two years since I have decided I need a restart. I am to a place again where food has a hold over me. My eating has become destructive. It is hurting me physically and emotionally. It has to stop! I don't like the person I am when I am overeating. It is not the person God wants me to be. I need to blog in order to be serious. I can cheat when I am writing things down at home and no one sees. It is harder to cheat when I know people in my life are looking. So, here I go again! I decided to go back to doing Fat Smash. It works for me and I need the structure. So Today is Day one....

8:30 - 1 cup oatmeal with fresh strawberries and blueberries
Bike Ride, and yard work, Water
11:30 - Apple, Watermelon, 6 oz. yogurt, Water
2:30 - 1 Cup brown rice, banana, water
5:30 - 1 C. brown rice, vege mixture (onions,pepper,zucchini,tomato,mixed beans), water
7:30 - herbal tea

Day 13/14

2008-05-05T18:43:00.002-05:00

Day 13
8:00 Ezekiel Cereal/banana/rice milk
12:00 Southwest Salad
4:00 Goat's milk yogurt
7:00 Onion/Tomato/spinach/black beans/corn
2 slices Ezekiel Bread
1 slice pizza (I couldn't resist,however it wasn't worth how I felt after eating it)

Day 14
8:00 Puffins cereal (wheat free)rice milk
workout
11:30 Tuna/mayo Nut-brown rice crackers, goats milk yogurt, banana
Walked a mile with the kids
3:00 Pineapple/banana/coconut frozen yogurt smoothie
3:30 8 nut-rice crackers
5:30 Rice chips/salsa/hummus, strawberry smoothie

Days 8 - 12

2008-05-03T19:23:00.003-05:00

Day 8
7:20 Oatmeal (out of regular had to have instant)
Workout
1:00 Cabbage soup, pita chips/hummus
Sugar free, soy milk, decaf latte
Banana
3:20 Orange, 6 grapes
5:00 salad w/chicken and light sun dried tomato dressing
Orange
9:30 2 Bananas

Day 9
7:30 Oatmeal/Banana
Workout
11:20 Tuna/Mayo Pita Chips, Banana
Yard work
3:00 Pita Chips/hummus, orange
5:30 Cabbage soup, 2 oyster crackers
8:00 2 Chocolate chip cookies (thanks Debra!)

Day 10
7:30 Oatmeal
Workout
12:00 12 oz. Tuna/mayo, pita chips, Apple
2:00 4 pretzels, 1 chocolate chip cookie
4:45 strawberry/Banana smoothie
7:00 2 eggs, banana

Day 11
7:45 grapenuts cereal/rice milk/banana
Workout
11:15 cashews
11:45 various samples at Whole Foods store, p'nut butter cookie
1:30 Smoothie - strawberry/banana/protein (smoothie king)
5:45 Brown Rice crackers/6 oz. tuna/mayo
8:00 banana, hard boiled egg

Day 12
8:00 Ezekiel cereal/banana/rice milk
workout
11:00 rice chips/fresh salsa/hummus, 1/2 cup goats milk yogurt
4:00 cashews, 1 slice Ezekiel bread
5:00 rice chips/salsa/hummus, 1/2 cup goats milk yogurt (liked it so well at lunch I had it again!)

Day 4-7

2008-04-28T20:11:00.004-05:00

Oops a little behind...

Day 4
7:15 Oatmeal/Banana
10:00 Apple
Cleaned (semi workout!)
1:00 Chicken Breast, 1 muffin, Strawberry/Banana Smoothie
4:00 2 oranges, handful cashews
6:00 salad with chicken breast, light sundried tomato dressing
1 muffin

Day 5
8:00 Oatmeal/Banana
Workout
10:30 cashews/4 blueberries
11:45 roasted chicken, orange, strawberry/banana smoothie
3:15 6 grapes/3 muffins
4:30 handful cashews
5:00 little soup (tasting during cooking)
7:30 Vege pizza (2 small pieces)

Day 6 (cheated and weighed - lost 6 lbs)
8:00 oatmeal/Banana
1:00 handful cashews (2 pita chips/hummus)
2:00 Cabbage soup
5:30 Beef brisket (with bbq sauce),baked apples, 4 fries
8:00 Lemon tea

Day 7
7:00 Oatmeal/Banana
Workout
10:00 handful cashews
12:00 Turkey Avocado Burger/ steamed broccoli
3:30 Lemon Tea
5:15 4 pita chips/hummus, Cabbage soup
8:00 Orange

Day 3

2008-04-25T06:50:00.002-05:00

7:30 Oatmeal/Banana
10:30 Apple
9:30 - 12:30 Cleaning (not quite a workout, but a little)
12:30 6 oz. Tuna/1 tbs.mayo/orange/2 strawberries
2:00 cashews/Lemon herbal tea
2:45 2 Tiny oatmeal muffins (sugar free-healthy!)
5:00 1/3 grilled chicken breast/grilled squash/zuch/onions
8:00 3 tiny oatmeal muffins

Day 2

2008-04-24T07:53:00.002-05:00

7:30 Oatmeal/Banana

9-10 Yoga
10-11 Weights

11:30 6 oz. Tuna/1Tbs Mayo (made with olive oil)
Carrots/Hummus
Orange
6 Cashew Nuts

2:00 Few Cashews/Banana
4:30 Apple
8:15 Grilled Salmon (little butter-dill sauce)/Broccoli/plain sweet potato

Starting to eat healthy again!

2008-04-23T07:43:00.002-05:00

I haven't been feeling well lately and I have also gained a little weight back.
SO I have decided it was time to start again!
I am starting at phase 2 because I cannot cut out all the protein due to weight lifting. I contemplated not posting my food intake, but decided I needed to for the accountability.

7:45 am 1/2 c oatmeal
9:30-11:30 workout/water
11:45 apple
12:30 steamed veges/grilled chicken/water
3:00 orange
4:40 carrots/hummus/water
5:30 grilled squash/zuch/onion
8:00 grapes

Day 363/8

2007-10-30T19:41:00.000-05:00

Day 8

8am- oatmeal
9:30 workout/20 oz. water
11:00 meatless chili and brown rice
12:30 banana
2:30 Cauliflower soup/4 brown rice crackers (soup does have cheese in it, but I was making it for tomorrow and had to taste it)
3:30 mini almond joy
6:30-7:30 6 ginger cookies
OK, so I blew it tonight. I didn't even want to post it, but I wanted to be honest.
I was really craving sweets today. I decided to have the almond joy because the Halloween candy has been staring at me all week. I caved. Then I baked cookies for tomorrow and I could not resist. I thought I would just have one and be o.k. NOPE, I had 6. You know you have to taste each batch to make sure they are good to serve to others. They are just amazing cookies and I couldn't help myself.
Hopefully that won't send me into a sugar spiral.

Day 361 and 362/day 6 and 7

2007-10-29T18:35:00.002-05:00

Day 6
8 am - Oatmeal
11:40 - vege stir fry/brown rice (from Ghangis Grill)
Water
4:15 pm - Yogurt/string cheese (wanting a little protein)
7 pm - 3 oatmeal cookies
1/2 fruit leather
6-10 stood at concert
10:30 pm - slice vege pizza/water (we went out after concert to pizza place, this was the best I could do at the time. Not FS, but not too unhealthy)

Day 7

9 am - oatmeal
9:30 - 30 min cardio,1 hour yoga, 20 oz. water
12 pm - spinach,tomato,onion w/2 eggs
2-3:30 physical therapy
4 pm - yogurt/soynuts/apple
5 pm - meatless chili
5:45 - 2 oatmeal cookies
6:30 - 1 oatmeal cookie/Yogi detox tea ( I am really craving sweets right now. I am going for the cookies over the Halloween candy in the house!)

Day 360/day 5

2007-10-27T21:08:00.000-05:00

8 am - Oatmeal
9 am - cardio boxing class
20 oz. water
11 am - 2 oatmeal cookies
12:15 pm - sm. bowl tomato zucchini soup/water
2:15 pm - salad with tomatoes and soy nuts/LF dressing
1 oatmeal cookie
5:00 pm - 2 oatmeal cookies
7:15 pm - 5 fried mushrooms, cup potato cheese soup
(ok, dinner I was bad, but I resisted the banana cream pie- my belly actually hurts a bit from the grease and high fat content.)

Day 359 /day 4

2007-10-26T20:42:00.000-05:00

8 am - Oatmeal
9-10 Weights class
10-11 Yoga class
20 oz. water
11:00 - 2 Oatmeal cookies
Brown rice/tomato/spinach/onion
1:00 - yogurt/soynuts/pear
4:00 2 oatmeal cookies
5:00 meatless chili
corn on cob (dab butter/salt)
20 oz. water
7:00 yogurt/1 oatmeal cookie
7:30 Yogi detox tea

Day 358 and 357/day 2 and 3

2007-10-25T20:51:00.000-05:00

Day 2

8 am - Oatmeal with Stevia
9:00 - Yoga class
11:00 - brown rice/zucchini/onions/tomato
1:00 - yogurt, banana
2-4:00 - physical therapy
5:00 pm - salad/tomato/soynuts/lowfat dressing
Water
7:00 - Banana/pear/grapes with Yogurt
Decaf spiced chai, splash milk

Day 3

8:00 am - Oatmeal with Stevia
9:15 - 40 min workout 20 oz. water
12:30 Salad/tomato/soynuts
3:15 - yogurt/banana 20 oz. water
5:30 - brown rice/tomato/onion/spinach
1/2 pear Water
7:30 - 4 oatmeal/apple cookies

I am feeling really good. My emotions are much better, I feel good about me right now.

Day 356/ day 1 again

2007-10-23T20:44:00.000-05:00

8:00 am Oatmeal/Stevia
9:15 am 40 min workout
20 oz. water
10:40 am handful grapes
11:00 am Yogurt/handful soynuts
1:00 pm Grapes
Bowl homemade chicken soup (had some chicken and noodles in it, but couldn't throw it away, last of the pot)
20 oz. water
3:00 pm Banana
5:00 pm Brown Rice/Lentils Zucchini/tomato/onions (ate a little too much, but it was really good)
10 oz. water
7:00 pm Decaf spiced Chai tea/stevia/dash skim milk
Handful granola nut clusters (another cheat, but healthy)

When all else fails...start again!

2007-10-22T21:21:00.000-05:00

Last post I started again, well, I failed again. So, I am starting again. Simple enough. Not really. It is torture to think of starting again. However, I cannot continue on my current path.
I am seriously asking for prayers and support and kicks in the rear if I need them. My eating is so tied to everything in my life. When the eating is out of control so are my emotions. I am irrational and depressed and moody and have "the crabbys" as we call it in our house. I don't want to be crabby any more.
I am going to start posting my eating again. That seems to help me keep accountable to myself and to all my imaginary friends out there.
So....we shall see what tomorrow brings!

Again and again

2007-10-07T20:17:00.000-05:00

Looking back at my last post - a little over 2 months ago...I did phase one and lost 7 pounds. I think I have gained them back again. I am really frustrated with myself. I have gotten into really bad eating habits. So again, I start phase one to get myself under control. I think I am stress eating which is really bad. Life is a bit tough these days. I am living in continuous pain in my leg which I have been trying everything to get it better. I just wish someone would tell me what exactly is wrong with it. I have had many places on my skin removed which have been found to be "abnormal" cells. I am not doing so hot at being consistent with Julia's school. I haven't been able to work due to doctors appointments and physical therapy, which adds to our growing financial issues. So, I eat to deal with it! That is what I have always done to deal with my emotions. I'm tired of it.

July 30th is start over time!

2007-07-29T21:29:00.000-05:00

I am writing tonight so there is no going back tomorrow. I am starting phase 1 again tomorrow. It is time. I have fell back into old ways and my eating in out of control. Not just amounts of food, but unhealthy choices.
Lorie decided she would come along on the ride with me. That makes it seem easier to go back to detox. We will both have to give up coffee which will be tough. I know we can do it. I know I need to do it.

Before and After

2007-06-15T14:44:00.000-05:00

I haven't really had a good before and after picture. I found this one today. I hope you can tell the difference!

Is freedom ever going to come?

2007-06-09T19:45:00.001-05:00

Freedom. What a loaded word. I feel like I have tasted it and it is good. That is my problem...I like to taste! I have come such a long way. I look at pictures and I can tell a difference. I look in the mirror and I don't see any difference. I look in my heart and I can tell a lot of difference. I know that doesn't add up. Even as I write it, it does not make logical sense. I guess to someone else who has unhealthy food issues it might. I struggle with wanting to overeat still. I guess that is a forever thing. I struggle with wanting to be thin - because thin means life is good right?!
How thin do I have to get before I feel that? I know that it is not a weight issue...it is a heart issue. So can someone please tell my brain that. I have such screwed up views on body image. I always have. Fears I had early on in life (like as far back as 7 years old) are due to weight issues. Enough is enough people!!! I am tired of it. I am tired of thinking about it. I would like to stomp on the person(s) who made this an issue for me. I know I continue to keep it. I guess some would say I just need to give it to God and let it go. hmmmmm. I think I have given it to God, time and time again. Not sure about the letting go part. How do you let go of something like that?
Don't get me wrong. I have come a LONG way. I am dealing with it constantly - in a healthy way. I just would like to know when I am actually going to start being ok with me where I am at. I still see the huge imperfections in myself. I still see the need to loose 10 more pounds. I also still seek food for comfort.
How is that for honest?
I long for the days in heaven when it will never be an issue again!!!!

A new me

2007-05-11T07:53:00.000-05:00

I had a great day yesterday. I spent the day with a great friend and we had fun shopping and eating out! And we only had one child with us - hers. It was fun to get to do that, hard to remember what it is like to get to go out with a friend without kids!
Anyway, the purpose of my post...
I started phase 1 again. I am now on day 5. The caffeine issue was really tough for the first 3 days. I was in a horrible mood and my head was killing me. Yesterday I decided it wasn't worth it and had a small coffee in the morning. Man, I felt so much better all day.
It is crazy. I hate being a slave to the caffeine, but I don't like the crabby moods.
I also had a silly moment. I am glad I had someone to share it with. I have been on a quest to find a pair of shorts. The only problem with loosing weight is all of a sudden you have no clothes to wear. I have always had the problem on the other end of them being too tight. Well, they look just as bad hanging off of you.
So, we were in Old Navy and I tried on 2 pairs of shorts - size 8 and they were a little baggy.
I started to tear up in the store. For most of you, this will seem crazy and dumb. However, it was a great moment for me. I am not the person who was skinny her whole life then had kids and got fat. I have always been fat. (besides a brief time when I got married and lost a bunch of weight) I have always struggled. I have never liked my body and for as long as I can remember, been a size 12-14. So today when I was in a size 8 and they fit I just couldn't believe it.
I would have never dreamed in a million years I would be here. I was proud of my accomplishment. I haven't been proud of myself in a long time. Thanks God for that hug I so desperately needed yesterday - and the cup of Joe!

Not much new

2007-05-05T22:04:00.000-05:00

Since I was scolded once again for not posting...here it is.
I really don't have anything new to report. I am trying to figure out what my plan is. I know that sounds silly to some, but I have abandoned most of my good eating habits and need a plan to get back in gear. It just seems hard right now. I know I can do it...I know I want to do it, it is just getting my rear in gear. I am not out to loose a bunch more weight, I just need to maintain where I am at. I refuse to let all my hard work go down the drain.
It was nice this week - I saw a friend who I had not seen in over 6 months. She was very surprised at the new me! It is great to be reminded that I have made a huge body change. I don't see it much anymore since I am now used to it. (and of course I still see the negatives)
I wish I had a great before and after picture. Someone gave me a bathing suit pic from last year, but it was not a great shot so hard to tell. I did buy a tankini this year! However, I am still not a fan of bathing suits. Maybe I will get brave and try to get a picture to post.
I am still enjoying exercise. This past 2 weeks I have been a little off my schedule due to working a lot more, but hopefully I can get back into a regular schedule once Julia is out of school.
Well, that is about it for me at the moment. Please keep praying for me. I see huge improvement, but also see the need to get back on my knees and work on my relationship with food again. I can see myself returning to old habits and sin.

long time no post

2007-04-02T21:32:00.000-05:00

This is for Leslie W. who faithfully checks my blog and reminded me that I haven't posted in a long time.
I think the biggest reason is that I am struggling with the eating stuff.
I am still working out 5-6 days a week. That is going great.
I have gone on to phase 4 and over if there are other phases and basically ditched most of the fat smash plan. I don't want to ditch it, I am just a little bored with it.
I probably need a week of phase 1 to get me back in gear.
I am maintaining my weight. I am building muscle....you should see my arms...really, I will show you anytime. I am liking my arms. Paul tells me to quit looking at myself and feeling my muscles.
I am down to a size 8-10 depending on the clothing. I am happy with that, except for the fact that I have no shorts that fit. They all are falling off.
I would like to loose 5 more pounds, but will be okay if I don't.
I am afraid of getting too comfortable.
I am afraid the weight is going to come pouring back on.
I know this is forever, I am just having a hard time coming to grips with that.
I enjoy working out, but can't imagine working out 6 days a week for the rest of my life.
So, I will just keep on for now. Perhaps if I get motivated at some point I will go back to phase 1 and give it another go. I just can't imagine going back right now. I especially don't think I can give up coffee right now. It has really been helping my mood swings lately.
Anyway, I am rambling. But I wanted to give Leslie something to read tomorrow.

Day 105

2007-02-14T21:25:00.000-06:00

Few days late posting...
I am back down to where I was...140 to be exact. I don't think I have actually posted my weight, but there you have it folks!
I am not really in any phase. I am eating pretty much what I want, just trying to make healthier decisions. I was getting pretty bored with the same old foods. I would like to go back to phase 1 for another time, but don't know when I am going to do that.
I am really getting more into the weights, so I think I need to proteins to help with muscle building. I can tell a huge difference in my body this week. I am building muscle in my arms. They are starting to have lots of curves - in a good way!
I am pretty happy with where I am at, but would like to keep toning and working on my abs. Man, the Pilate's thing is pretty tough. I don't know that any amount of work is going to get rid of the sagging skin from child birth. A tummy tuck would be nice!
Anyway, just wanted to check in with where I was. I need to watch my sugars. I am eating more of them and find myself craving St. Arbucks all the time!
Yes, the caffeine is what I am craving. I find from working out so hard in the mornings, by afternoon, I am super tired. The caffeine is helping me. I really need a short nap instead. That doesn't happen much these days.
Well....another week and I can't believe my days are in the 100's now~
I wish I had a before and after picture. I am starting to see the difference.

Day 97

2007-02-06T12:29:00.000-06:00

I avoided posting on Sunday. It was weigh in day. The scale said I was up 2 lbs. I tried not to get discouraged about it. I do realize that my eating has been a little bit off. I also am taking into account that it was the beginning of my cycle.
I have tried to get back on track with eating. It is hard with all the munchies in my house!
I also had confirmation on Monday that I was ok. In my Yoga class, that I have been attending for almost a year....Monday 3 different people mentioned how great I looked and I had obviously had lost a bunch of weight. That made me feel better. It is funny though, this is the first time any of them had mentioned me loosing weight. I guess it was God timing!
I also started a Weights class on Saturday. I have been doing weights for about a year, and thought I was in pretty good shape. Well, she kicked my bootie on Saturday. My arms were not sore, but my legs were pretty ouchy over the weekend. We didn't even do weights on our legs just lots of squats and lunges. I know where I need to work now!
I had stopped doing weights on my legs because it was hurting my knee too much. The lunges really hurt my knee too, so I need to be careful.
I realized how much I really like working out. I never thought I would say that. I had even started thinking on Monday about maybe working towards being certified to teach Yoga. hmmmm.
It would just be great to get paid to do what I like doing. What a concept!
We shall see. I do see some great improvements in my body, lots more to go, but I am feeling like I am finally moving in the right direction - despite what the scale said this week.

Day 88 - back to Oatmeal for me

2007-01-28T08:24:00.000-06:00

I had a really tough week. I realized that I have a few stressers in my life at the moment. I also gave into carbs and sugar. I feel really crappy physically at the moment.
God was good to me and the scale did not move at all, either way. I am happy about that.
I am going to try not to beat myself up and just jump back into things.
I realized when I have cereal (special K) in the morning instead of oatmeal, I tend to eat more and crave carbs and sugar more during the day.
So, back to oatmeal this week.
I don't want to feel defeated. I want to move on.
I will resist the wonderful cake sitting on my counter.

Day 81

2007-01-21T07:59:00.000-06:00

Weigh in day....
25 lbs total!!!
This is a great mark to reach...
Only 5 more to go.

Day 80

2007-01-20T08:07:00.000-06:00

It is fun to keep up with the days to see how far I have come.
I do believe I have accomplished a lot. Not just weight loss, but heart growth!
I believe that doing this was in obedience to God. I was a miserable person. I was so focused on weight issues that it clouded everything else in my life. I was sick and tired of every moment being down about over eating and being over weight.
I feel like for the first time I am not focusing on it. I don't think constantly about what could I go get out of the refrigerator and eat. This is where my freedom is.
On the flip side, I am starting to struggle with where is my balance. When I eat something that is not on the recommended list (or maybe even is, but I haven't been eating it) I start to feel a little guilty - even to the point where I feel like I have just gained back every ounce I lost - all with one bite!
I go to the Y almost everyday. I feel better when I do. I feel guilty when I don't.
Where is the balance in this? I know it is all a mind and heart issue for me.
I know I need to find my freedom truly in God and not in my physical.
I just don't know how to really get there without continuing this physical journey as well. I keep thinking I will arrive at a place where I really feel good about myself.
What number on the scale will that be?
I don't think I will ever find it. I have only one time in my life been thin - at 125 lbs when I got married. I had been dieting and working out several times a day and drinking unhealthy amounts of water to get there. Yet, I still saw a fat person in the mirror.
If I was talking to someone else and they told me these things I would suggest counseling. I know there is eating disorder written all over this.
Lord, please help me.

Day 75

2007-01-15T16:23:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was weigh in day.....
I am down 5 more lbs. I am really happy about that. I think my goal is 7 more.
I keep changing my goal, but I guess I am allowed - it's mine!
I am feeling pretty good. I am happy about clothes being loose, but really need some new pants. Most of my pants are falling down and don't look real great because the bottom sags.
I never thought I would be complaining of them being too big!
I am craving bad stuff today. I did exercise. I got a salad from McDonald's today on the way home because I promised the kids. Man, their fries smelled sooooo good. I was dreaming about a quarter pounder with cheese and fries. MMMMMmmmmm. So I gave in and ate quite a few of Harrison's fries. I am feeling a bit guilty, but man were they good.
I guess that is where learning comes in. That it is ok to eat some bad things on occasion, just not everyday and not going overboard.
I just need to eat good the rest of the day.
Well, it is a rainy yucky day and I am in the mood to sleep. These are days when I wish I had no kids so I could just stay in the bed.
Another week down. Only the rest of my life to go!

Day 64 and starting over

2007-01-04T13:39:00.000-06:00

I started phase 1 over on Tuesday. I can't believe how much better I feel already.
Sunday at church a guy talked about addictions and breaking free from things. I had already known that I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I started this whole thing to work on that. 5 weeks into it I started feeling like hey I have beaten this thing...I am cured!!
HA! I fell on my face. I don't think I am going to cure myself. I know God is the cure. However, this has taken me 32 years to establish this problem, I don't think I am going to beat it in 64 days. I realize that this is a lifetime thing. I will probably always struggle. As long as there is food in the world I will struggle with wanting to eat it.
I do feel like this (fat smash plan) is the answer for me. I like eating healthier. I feel better physically and the weight loss is pretty nice too.
I also realize that this is a total God thing. I have to be spending time with Him on a regular basis to draw from his strength. I can't do thins thing on my own. When I started thinking that I was doing it, that is when I fell. I need God. I need his grace, mercy and forgiveness.

Day 57

2006-12-28T21:06:00.000-06:00

I am struggling!
I gave in at Christmas and ate sweets, bread, popcorn, ham and eggnog (to name a few). I didn't get to work out for 4 days. AHHHH....now I am hooked again. I am craving food and wanting to eat everything.
I want to get back on track. But I am lacking the energy to get into the swing of things again. I am still battling this cough and sore throat. It is also the "week of anger."
I need God's help so bad.
I can feel myself slipping back into the old me. I don't want to be that anymore. It is funny how when you think you have gotten over something and conquered it - bam! You can fall right on your face. I know that I have the capability to get back up and try again. I just lack the drive at the moment. Please pray for me. I need energy - I need God's strength.
I am going to try to stay in phase 2 until Jan 2nd then start phase 1 again.

Day 47

2006-12-18T20:49:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was weigh in day....
2 more lbs.!!!
Total is now 18.
I was surprised I lost any this week. We had a Christmas party on Wednesday and I ate a little of everything and several peanut butter balls, peppermint bark, and cookies. MMMMMM!!!
I also have this nagging cough that I cannot get rid of. It is making me a little more tired than usual. Not as much energy for working out.
I hope I can make it through the holidays without putting any weight on.
I am really going to try to eat as much on phase 2 as I can.
Happy Holidays! I probably won't post again until after Christmas. Please pray that I can keep on task and not give in too much.

Yummy

2006-12-15T20:52:00.000-06:00

Who would have ever thought that this would be what I was eating?
This was dinner tonight. I thought it was pretty so I took a picture for you.
It was a tomato/basil burger and asparagus. It was very good!

Day 39

2006-12-10T21:13:00.000-06:00

I never thought in a million years I would make it to day 39.
Weigh in day!
My goal was to loose 15 by my birthday- in 2 days....
Well, today the total was 16 lbs!!!! WWWoooohoooo!
I am so excited by this. It is an amazing thing to see that scale go down - not up!
Beyond the weight there is so much more to this.
I am different. I am feeling a taste of freedom. God is doing amazing things with me.
I feel like I have a part of me back that has been in slaved for so long.
I have always been obsessed with food. It has been important - more than it should be. I was depressed most of the time over it. I never felt good about myself because of my over reliance on food to make me happy. I feel like I have been able to break some of those chains away.
I don't feel the internal cravings for food like I used to. I don't feel this need to medicate myself with something sweet. This is an amazing thing. It is beyond my ability to describe.
I am in awe of God and what he can do when we are obedient. I know that he has called me to do this for me and my family. I want to be the person he created me to be. This is a huge wall that is coming down. I know I have a long way to go. I know that I could become prideful and give myself the credit and go back to where I was. I don't want that. I want to be strong. I want to continue to seek him and continue to eat healthy.
I know that many people don't get this and don't understand. They just think hey she lost a few pounds. I wish they could see how much my heart has changed. I pray that the people around me can see the difference. God is stripping me of me.

Day 33

2006-12-04T20:12:00.000-06:00

I forgot to post yesterday!
It was weigh in day.....a little nervous.
I was scared that I would not have lost anything and I was going to be mad and give up. Yes, I know this is not all about the numbers, but it sure helps to give you motivation.
So.....3 lbs!!!
My total is now 13. My goal was 15 by my birthday which is next Tuesday. I think I can do it!
I also had another good gift yesterday. I tried on a pair of pants to wear to church. A month ago I could not get my rear into them. They were super loose!!!
It is so bizarre how your body changes. I guess I am seeing results. It is just hard not to get focused on how much further I have to go.
I am just focused on the 2 lbs this week.

Day 28

2006-12-01T13:42:00.000-06:00

Sorry, I have not posted in so long. I left for Thanksgiving then had a hard time getting back to blogging.
Yes, today is day 28. I can't believe it has been 28 days.
The week of Thanksgiving was tough on the eating, but I did ok. I went to my parents and my mom really tried to cook healthy for me. I did eat a couple of things I should not have, but it was the holiday. I did good until the ride home....I had a bag of homemade cookies in the seat next to me. I was only going to have one, then two, and it turned into 6 I think. I felt pretty bad about it. It was really hard to get back to no sugar stuff after that. It was back in my system and the cravings returned. The good news is I didn't gain any weight that week, however, I didn't loose any either.
I have been trying to work out every day since then. I am eating in phase 2. I don't think I am going to post menu everyday, but I am writing it down for myself. It helps me to know what I have eaten all day. I think I am doing ok, just need to work on the portion size.
Today I treated myself...
I took the kids to the mall. It takes self-control for me to not taste their french fries. Normally I would finish up things they haven't eaten. Or at least taste things that I am giving them...you know we moms have to make sure it is not poison first!
They got cookies for dessert and I decided I needed a treat. I a pumpkin spice coffee from Gloria Jeans. I got it with skim milk and no whip cream. It has been 29 days since my last coffee. We will see what my tummy thinks in a bit. It was absolutely delicious!!!
I miss my coffee drinks. In fact looking at the last 28 days I have only had water and occasional hot tea. I haven't missed the other drinks.
I am feeling good about myself. Clothes are fitting looser these days.
Paul gave me a wonderful comment (makes this all worth it) he told me that he thought I was looking good. It is nice when he notices changes in me. Sometimes you do all this and feel like you are getting no where. I don't see the changes so much. In fact this week I don't see them at all. I weigh in again on Sunday....I hope to see a little change in the scale. I'll let you know.

Day 17

2006-11-20T19:47:00.000-06:00

Things seem really stressful at home. The kids have been rotten to say the least. In turn, I am a rotten mom. Paul's work is stressful and we don't get time together.
All that to say...this is getting tough to stay obedient.
The only time I feel really good is when I am working out at the Y. I think that is because it is the only time I don't have to chase anyone, yell at anyone or do anything but take care of me.
I would stay there all day if I could!
Day 17
7:30 - special K cereal with skim milk
9:20- 11:00 workout at the Y
11:45 am - chicken, brown rice, tomato/cucumber/dressing/feta cheese
3:00 pm - grapes, pop corn (plain and added TCBB)
6:00 pm - pizza (tomato, mushroom, basil, vege cheese) very yummy and I ate all of it - too much. I am really full and feeling bad about it. It just tasted sooo good.
I need to not make it so much, I think I over eat with it.

Kids are finally in bed. I am going to try to relax.

Day 15 and 16

2006-11-19T15:20:00.000-06:00

I am having a harder time posting everyday. I may have to do two days in one for now on unless I have a great revelation!
Today is actually day 16. I weighed this morning. I think my total loss is around 8-10 lbs.
Hard to tell exactly where the line is on the scale. I did chuckle at myself this morning. I made sure I went to the bathroom twice before weighing...then I stripped and laughed when I took the scrunchie out of my hair. You know they weigh so much!
Anyway. I was having to give myself a pep talk this morning. I had such big loss the week before, and this week was not as much. I didn't add that much into my diet and I worked out every single day. However, I remembered what Dr. Ian said in his cd I listened to his week. He talked about a pound lost is a pound lost. 10 lbs in two weeks is significant weight loss. He said to think about how long it took you to put it on, it is not going to come off in two weeks. Building a building takes time. So, I am trying not to think about numbers and enjoy the fact that some of my clothes fit better.
Day 15:
8:00 am - oatmeal and banana
9:00 am - workout at the Y
12:00 pm - we went out! my first out to eat experience - vege burger (no bun) green beans
1:00 pm - Julia and I walked for about a mile
Then I mowed the grass and raked the leaves in my yard and the neighbors.
5:30 pm - 2 vege burgers, tomato/basil

Day 16:
8:00 am Oatmeal and banana
11:30 am- Turkey, fruit/yogurt, brown rice (Thanksgiving meal at church)
3:30 pm - carrots
7:00 pm- chicken, brown rice, tomato/cucumber/lgt dressing/feta cheese
Tea for dessert

Day 14

2006-11-17T19:08:00.000-06:00

I have made it two weeks!!!
I am really excited that I have actually stuck to something that long.
I had a wow moment this morning. I tried on a pair of pants that I tried on last Friday. Last Friday they were still tight. Today they fit and a little loose! YEAH!!!
That is what motivates me. Wearing the clothes in my closet again.
I listened to Dr. Ian's CD today. It was good. He was inspiring and helpful. I liked listening to him, he seems to have a great heart.
7:00 - special K with skim milk (no oatmeal today!!)
10:30- snacked on carrots for a while (at work today)
1:30 - vege burger, tomato/basil, with rice and lentils
3:30 - went for a walk with the kids
5:00 - banana, strawberry and apple cut up with yogurt
I was proud of myself that I didn't eat all the fruit in my bowl. I decided to save the rest for later.
I will probably have the rest after a bath.

Pretty good day. I feel good today.

Day 12 and 13

2006-11-16T20:16:00.000-06:00

I really need to do better at writing things down again. When I don't blog that night I forget what I had yesterday.
Day 12:
8:00 - oatmeal with banana
11:00 - vege burger with homemade (mom) basil spread - very yummy
3:00 - yogurt
7:00 - chicken, rice, lentils, tad green bean casserole,
tea and grapes later for dessert.

We had a great small group last night. We were talking about inner beauty and what really makes a woman beautiful.
I have a very hard time not tying my weight into whether or not I feel beautiful. It has helped now that I am at least working on the problem and not over eating.
Maybe someday I will truly see myself as God sees me.

Day 13:
8:00 - oatmeal
12:00 - chicken, rice and lentils (that chicken is sooooo good)
5:00 - homemade pizza (oatmeal crust, tomatoes and basil) oh my gosh this is great!
Think I over ate on the pizza. It was the best thing I have had in a while. That is what is going to be hard not overeating on healthy things. It is amazing how good some healthy things taste!

See my other blog to see my nugget from God today http://socialworkermom.blogspot.com/

Day 11

2006-11-14T20:15:00.000-06:00

I started off doing pretty good today, but then I think I blew it a little.
I was feeling very sluggish today. I felt like I needed to eat. Then I felt bad for eating. I contemplated not journaling all I ate, then I realized that is why I am doing it. Not just so I can say look at how good I am doing, but also for the accountability in my mess ups.
This is where I am struggling. That line between it is ok to eat, and feeling guilty for eating. In the fat smash plan you move between phases. You continue to add more foods into your diet. It helps you to establish healthy eating habits in addition to loosing weight. I just got used to the rules of phase 1 now it is hard to relax those rules to allow more food.

8 am - oatmeal with banana
9 am - workout at the Y
11 am - tomato, basil and vege burger (definitely my favorite right now)
11:45 am - rice and lentils (I still felt hungry and a little weak)
3 pm - yogurt
5 pm - Asian Salad from McDonalds (this is allowable food - just felt like cheating...my first meat in 11 days)
7 pm - 1/2 cup cereal with milk (this may have been emotional eating - stressful situations right now)

Day 9 and 10!

2006-11-13T20:15:00.000-06:00

Day 9 was good. I couldn't wait until the end of day 9 to weigh. Drummmmrooolllll pppplleeeaaseee....... 7 lbs!!!!
I am excited about this and it makes me feel like I can go on.
I haven't been as good at writing stuff down, so here is approximates...
7:00 am - what else - Oatmeal!
1:00 pm - (very hungry and a bit faintish) lentil soup and a little bit of a protein drink from Wild Oats Market. I think the soup had potatoes in it, ooops. But it was goooood.
3:30 pm - small fruit smoothie from Sonic. (I don't know if this is allowed either, but it is yogurt and fruit) It was really sweet. Didn't really even taste good to me. But it didn't stop me from drinking it!
6:00 pm - 13 bean chili

Day 10 - Start of Phase 2 (however I didn't start it, stayed in phase 1 foods)

7:30 am - yogurt, couple sips of the protein drink
8:00 am - workout at Y
9:30 am - oatmeal with banana. Starting to like plain oatmeal.
12:30 pm - 13 bean chili
3:00 pm - apple and yogurt
5:30 pm - vege burger patty with tomato and fresh basil on it (I felt like I had eaten real food!)
a few left over sweet potato wedges

I am a little scared about moving into phase 2. I feel like it is giving me more freedom that I am afraid of. It adds in chicken, a little cheese, unsweetened cereal. I am afraid of myself. I don't want to over do it. I know the ultimate goal is to be able to eat real foods (within limits) and not over eat. It just feels too soon. I will slowly move into it. I don't think that is a bad thing.

Day 8

2006-11-11T19:23:00.000-06:00

Wheewwww...I almost didn't make it today. I was really wanting to eat something of "substance." Like Pizza or a turkey sandwich. All of which my family was eating today. I didn't give in, but I think I probably ate a little too much today. I felt like I was hungry. I am not sure if I was or just craving to eat.

8:00 am - oatmeal w/cinnamon and stevia
9:00 am - workout at the Y
11:30 am - banana, tomatoes/cucumbers light dressing
12:30 pm - rice and lentils
3:30 pm - hot tea
4:30 pm - sweet potato
5:30 pm - rice and lentils, tomatoes/cucumbers light dressing, a few grapes

Tomorrow is day 9 - yeahhhh!
I know it is not the end of it, I just get to add a couple of things to my menu on Monday - like Chicken!!!

Day 7

2006-11-10T20:29:00.000-06:00

I just never imagined I could do this. I am so proud of myself. I have no desire to run to food for comfort. I have not run to the scale and weighed everyday (like I used to!).
God is amazing.
7:00 am - oatmeal with banana (Amber gave me a natural sweetener that I can use, makes oatmeal much better) skim milk
10:00 am - yogurt
12:00 pm - brown rice and lentils, a few left over sweet potato fries, water
3:00 pm - raked leaves and mowed yard (definitely a work out)
5:30 pm - same as lunch, water
7:00 pm - cleaned up toys and vacuumed house (another workout)

Day 5 and 6

2006-11-09T20:28:00.000-06:00

Things are getting a bit crazy in my life right now. I know that many things are attacks from the enemy trying to get me to fail. I have stood firm. I am proud of myself that I have not given into temptation. Not even a lick of my fingers. This is a huge accomplishment for me.
It is getting much easier. I am loving the way I feel. I feel much healthier and have not had a stomache ache all week.
I am looking forward to weighing myself on Sunday. That is the reward of all of it.
Day 5 -
8:30 am - oatmeal with banana
9:30 workout at the Y
1:00 pm - (waited too long to eat) fruit with yogurt, carrot
5:00 pm - 1/2 cup black beans
7:00 pm - beans, rice and veges (can't eat it any more!!) fruit with yogurt (thank you Chanda)
The yummiest tea made by Amber

Day 6 -
7:00 am - oatmeal
10:30 am - apple
12:00 pm - yes more beans rice and veges
4:00 pm - grapes
5:00 pm - tomato and cucumber with a little dressing, brown rice, sweet potato fries (very good) I think I ate a little too much, but the fries were really good.

Over all I think I am dealing with my stress well because I am eating what I should. I don't have the I hate myself because I am fat feeling on top of all of it.

Day 4 almost gone

2006-11-07T17:36:00.000-06:00

Today has been good. I am not real hungry today.
I am however, really tired of eating the same thing. I am needed a new flavor. I made lots of individual meals for myself to eat off of this week. I think I need to freeze some of them and make something new. I have had it with the rice, bean and vege mixture.

8:00 am - Oatmeal with banana and mixed it with yogurt (hoping to get it a little sweet), skim milk
11:00 am - Yogurt, Apple
2:00 pm - Vege, rice and beans
5:00 pm - the rest of the veges rice and beans and a few grapes

I am feeling good about all of this. I feel like I can do it. I don't want to give up and I don't want to cheat. I love what Dr. Ian says - you are only cheating yourself.
I think it helps that I am writing out my daily intake on here, because it would be worse to me to let other people know that I cheated!! It is that whole perfectionism thing.

I had a really great spiritual time last night with God. He is so good to me.
I felt like he really held me and said you know what I have got you and it is all going to be ok. You don't have to worry or try to fix everything. I am in control. I really feel peaceful about it.
I love what happens to my spiritual life when I get my eating under control. I do feel more able to go to God. I feel like such a better person all around. I know that may sound weird to anyone who does not have eating issues. All my emotions are pretty much tied up with food. Hopefully no longer!!!!

Day 3

2006-11-06T18:34:00.000-06:00

It is getting a bit easier. The farther I go into it the more I don't want to start over.
today's hard thing was driving past Starbucks on the way to the grocery store. I was by myself, and usually when I have a moment to myself out of the house a grande white chocolate mocha is my treat!
I resisted!
It was a hard day to resist. Kids are crabby and hubby sick, mamma's monthly friend came to visit - AHHHH! Want to devour the house.
I think I snacked a little more due to this, but it was all allowable things.
8:00 am - oatmeal with banana, cup skim milk
9:30 - 11:00 am workout at the Y, this was the highlight of my day.
11:30 - rice, beans veges (still good, but getting a little old)
1:15 - frozen grapes - very delicious!!
3:15 - bananas,oranges, strawberries, apples mixed with peach yogurt - really good!
5:00 - more rice beans veges (left over from lunch)

Funny story - Harrison decided he likes my rice, beans vege mixture. However, he decided to eat it mixed up in his soy yogurt. He loved it, grossed me out.

The kids are in bed early - 6:15 pm (I told you we were all crabby)
This is me time. I am full at the moment, so I am going to stay far away from the kitchen. This is a tempting time for me.
I need to do my Captivating book, yet I want to do everything but that....I know that means I really need to do my book.
Yahhhhooooo, made it through another day!

Day 2 and counting

2006-11-05T23:04:00.000-06:00

I made it through the day. It was a little tough. I want to snack so bad on junk!!!
I keep thinking about yummy things to eat. The old me would just go and get it and pig out. Thankfully God gave me strength to resist.
I even stayed away from the yummy sandwiches at church and coffee.
8:00 Oatmeal with Banana, cinnamon and nutmeg (not real tasty, but filling)
12:45 Veges, brown rice, black beans (very good, will be eating it all week)
2:00 workout at the Y
3:45 Yogurt and apple
5:15 more veges, brown rice and black beans
9:00 Yogurt

Part of me really wanted to give up today. I don't like being restricted from things. Yet, I know I need the discipline. I am going to try to at least hang in there for the 9 days. I would hate to start all over again. I can do this - I hope!

Day 1

2006-11-04T20:27:00.000-06:00

I think I have made it through day 1.....
I am craving sugary stuff and carbs something awful. I didn't realize how many I ate in a day. The biggest thing tonight is not having my coffee drink. I had some herbal tea, but not the same.
8:30 am - yogart
11:30 am Banana and Apple
2:00 pm - 1 cup brown rice with vegetable soup stuff I made
3:30 pm - went for walk pushing 100 lbs of stroller
5:30 pm - strawberries, apples, bananas, oranges with yogart mixed - quite yummy
6:20 pm - herbal tea
8:15 pm - 1 cup skim milk and 5 grapes

Doesn't look like much but I have felt pretty full all day.
Got to get some protein in tomorrow. I bought dry beans and have to soak um tonight.
Off to the bath and bed.
One down, eight more to go in phase 1.

My journey to freedom

2006-11-04T14:38:00.000-06:00

I am tired and fed up with the constant feeling of disappointment I have with myself. I always feel fat and worthless. I judge myself very harshly. I tend to think other people judge whether they will like me based on my physical "weight" appearance. I am also a miserable person to be around when I am overeating. I feel bad about myself and then I take it out on those around me. My kids get the brunt of it when I am in this stage. I am tired of then feeling like a horrible mother. The guilt comes, then the need to feed it with food. The cycle keeps going and going.
I know the truth spoken in the bible. Head knowledge and heart knowledge are two different things. I was having a very down day yesterday. My eating has been out of control. I have been gorging myself with wings, pizza, cheese cake and whatever else I can get in my mouth.
No wonder I have been packing on the pounds.
Well, because I have no control over myself when I have no plan....I decided to follow a plan to rewire my thinking about food. In addition to continuing to seek God and work on the emotional and forgiveness/grace side of things.
I just can't resist food right now.
So, I have decided to do the Fat Smash Diet.
I have never been an advocate of diets. They make me mad. However, two of my friends have been doing it and look amazing. So I am going to give it a try.
I am scared. I look at the food I am allowed to eat for the first 9 days and I panic. How on earth do I eat that way? How do I cut out stuff and continue to make meals for my family?
I decided to be proactive about it. I went to the store, bought a ton of vegetables, fruit, brown rice and beans. I made a huge pot of vege medley and brown rice and made up meals for me for the week. I think if I know I have a meal prepared it will make it easier to not snack on things I shouldn't. I also don't want to have to stress about what am I going to eat. I think I will make up a menu for myself for the week so I can stick to a plan and know exactly what I am going to eat when.
At the moment I feel like I can do this. I pray that God will give me strength. I have never done anything like this before.
I wanted to journal so I can process my feelings, but also have accountability and support.
If you are reading this, please pray for me. I need strength and wisdom.
I don't want to just do this to loose weight. I am about 20 lbs over weight and need to get it off, but I also want to find freedom from food. I don't want to obsess over it anymore. I don't want to run to food for comfort. I want to be free! I want my mind to be free to focus on Christ and my family. I want to be healthy and show my kids what life should be. I want to be who God made me and not what all the extra weight has made me.
So....Here I go.